So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
