Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
