Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
