Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
