I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
