We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
