Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
