I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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