Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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