I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
