I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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