We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
