do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
