if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
