3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
