I can text with my tongue
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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