Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
third nipple confirmed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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