The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
