pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
