Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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