So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
