He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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