I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
