I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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