so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
