Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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