I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
