I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
