What tipped you off? The sombrero?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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