were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
