He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
