I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
