Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
