My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
handjob tips. give me some.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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