Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
