Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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