you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
