If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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