We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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