this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
