foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
