I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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