it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
