life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
