Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
