Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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