Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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