Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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