I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
