If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
