dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
