There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
