don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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